Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
