you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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