Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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