This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
