Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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