he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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