i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
