is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
