"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
