I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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