I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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