fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
