I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
