I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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