now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
