Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Drunk is not a location!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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