i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
