I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
