Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
