There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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