Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
