Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
