i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize