Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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