I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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