My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize