is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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