I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
