I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
