Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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