My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
