I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
