True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
