i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
