Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
