Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Let's get the cat blown out
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