STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
