I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
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