dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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