You don't have asthma, your pregnant
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
