The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
