so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
