After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
be right there i have to get my cape
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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