hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
