Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
