rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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