worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
