one might say we're banned from that church
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
