I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
