jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize