i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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