listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
