can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i will never coherently bang her
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
