How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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