I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Randomize
