We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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