Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
