alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
