Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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