Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
