i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
