I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
