Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
