wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
