I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
