I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
