The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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