I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There r osticjed everywhere
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize