dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm getting married
To pizza
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
