Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
