So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
