Sry I called you an 8
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
