A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
