Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Duck Duck Cougar?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
