:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
