So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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